The other day, I got an email from a man who wrote, "My wife is fat. How do I get her to exercise?"
Hmm. What a sweet, sweet man.
It can be tough on a relationship when one person is active and the other person isn't. Not only do you worry about the other person's weight, you also worry about their health, mortality and stress levels. It's unfortunate we can't make people do what we want, but there are some ways you can nudge your partner in the right direction:
- Be a good role model: Nagging your partner into exercise, as fun as that may be, usually doesn't work. Focusing on your own healthy behaviors may encourage your partner to do the same.
- Use gentle encouragement: Plan after dinner walks and ask your spouse if he'd like to join you or invite her to the gym and offer to show her how things work. Just offering a strings-free invitation may be enough to get reluctant spouses moving.
- Make it fun: Sometimes shouting, "Hey! Let's go to the gym and get on the treadmill!" just won't work. Think about what he or she might enjoy and carve out some time to do it together - a bike ride, a tennis game, tossing a football or a basketball game at the park. Make it about spending time together and having fun rather than about exercise.
- Be honest: Rather than getting angry about your spouse's annoying habit of disobeying you, try talking to them about what's really bothering you. Let them know you only want them to exercise because you care about their health and want to them to live a long, happy life. They may just respond to that.
- Ask them for help: One way I get my husband to do what I want is to make him think it's his idea. For exercise, I might ask him to go to the gym with me because I need a spotter or to go running with me to keep me company and make sure I don't slack off. Let your partner know you need his or her help to get them up and moving.
How do you encourage your partner to exercise? Leave a comment and tell us about it.
I have asked my husband numerous times to go to the gym with me, but he always declines, I just stopped asking.
I always get the “I’m an adult, you’re not my mother” whenever I’d suggest doing ANYTHING to get my husband to do anything beneficial for his health. Thankfully our 10 year old started playing football so now I just relate making the changes (family walks after dinner, getting away from processed foods, going low carb) as “beneficial for him. It’ll help him be in peak condition so he’ll play a lot better than he already does.”
I don’t see the problem. In my family, I simply speak, and it is done. My wife is not fat because she is only allowed to eat what I tell her to eat. If she were to get fat, that would bring shame on me, and she would have to fast many days.
we joined the gym together as a new years resolution. We work out together sometimes, sometimes alone, but we keep each other motivated. There have been times when each of us have been the one who didn’t want to go.
hey i’d just like to say that i agree with number 3 comment by muhammad because women are lazy unless u motivate them and then when they start listening to you and doing the right thing they look and feel so much better there just to lazy to do it by themselfs thats why you have to motivate them
When my husband saw all of the great benefits I was getting from working out, he became interested in doing it himself. But he didn’t really like to exercise the way I do. We got some Dance Dance Revolution games, and that helped get him going. Since that time he started lifting weights, and although we only sometimes work out together, it is great to know I was able to motivate him by being a good example.
PS–Paige, are you able to edit out some of these comments? Hope so.
Muhammad and Mystery ,,,you are 2 idiots! Where do you come from? and that other one that says women are lazy??? are you kidding??? Man!!!!!!!!
Maria T- you are hilarious!
Mystery- Learn how to use punctuation and capital letters when needed. Your writing skills prove your ignorance. It’s not like there aren’t any overweight, lazy men out there!
Muhammad- Seriously. Are you kidding?!
Exercise and health are very important to me. My husband has things that are important to him that I support and get involved with. He tries to do the same with me. He is not overweight but I want to make sure that he takes care of himself. Instead of the gym I set up family bike rides and hikes. We always have fun.
Bottom line, I would love him if he weighed 800 lbs.
Muhamed – Well when you enter the 21st century we’ll have a conversation.
Mystery – Since its my husband that is lazy and doesn’t exercise, while I exercise, work and take care of house and kid, I’m thinking you must be dating MEN!!
As for getting your spouse to workout, boy I wish, he goes in spurts and will go for walks then stops. He would never lift weights and is just not consistent with working out and for that matter eating healthy. I keep trying, but the Dr is telling him, so crossing my fingers that he gets it.
Cant believe I have come across this article just today when I am pretty miffed with my husband and not speaking to him right now.I have tried every trick in the book to make him get some exercise but he refuses to budge from his couch no matter what!Am so worried for his health…feel helpless but dont wanna give up trying.
buy your partner a gym membership for there birthday or as some type of gift. then they have to go.
My husbend and I get a gym member ship 6 months agao and have gone for about one week. The biggest thing is that he and I want two differnt things from our work out. I want to louse weaght and he wants to gain. He wants to work out for 4+ hours, I feel 2 is enouph to get a good work out in. We have been working on time issues, and his weaght gainer. ($78.00 no joke) So I feel that once we have these issues under controll we will start going again and hopefully have fun while we are there.
Just a little thought to throw out there. It is not weather you are a man or women that makes you lazy but the person you are and what modivation factors there are in your life. Any one with negitve modivation is not going to do what you want, possitve motivation is goingt to help. It is like that white lie that you should never tell, well if your S.O is goingt to the gym because you want them to try to tell them how good they look even if you do not notice a change yet. It will help keep them going.
How does possitive motivation get a fat man out of LazyBoy!
I have tried all of the above…non of them work. So…..I have to continue on my own path and let the lazy self sabbotage man continue on his lazy ” I can’t breathe, my knees hurt, I need to loose weight, smelly, “I am tired”,remote in hand sleeping mouth-open-snoring-no response-eyes glazed over-high~carb craving creature” ….the go the F&%$ing Dr.!….. because I have tried! I have tried being nice, I am a fitness instructor for goodness sakes!, tried to steer him to doctors, tried cooking light foods, tried to walk together….he is falling apart and he doesn’t care. He sits in front of the computer for HOURS! sits in front of the TV for HOURS! Depression? Tried to communicate that too. He is the master of his own reality. I am not responsible. I have started to go and do my own things. This can cause a split I am sure! I don’t want to have sex, I don’t want to make conversation, my patience is ready to crack!!!! Diet books, articles, ideas, scenerios, pamphlets, rolemodels, nothing works…..he LIKES to be lazy. Lived active all his life, and now he is cruising in a Lazy Boy. He has to do it on his own, I am letting go, he has control over his own life. Enough said.
I see a lot of women commenting on this article and honestly, it doesn’t help. You can tell a dude he is fat, lazy and needs to workout. That won’t hurt is feelings at all and maybe just what he needs to jar himself out of laziness. You can’t, however, tell that to your wife. I love my wife and I have tried the tender talking (in which she agreed that she needs to workout for health benefits), we have tried working out together…even just walking together (in which case she whined the whole time. It’s too hot, it’s too cold, it’s too windy, we are walking too long…20 minutes!?!?!?!?!). She has purchased several different things to workout. And doesn’t use any of them. Her mother is very much over weight and experiences severe health problems because of it and yet my wife is following that same road. She claims lack of time and yet finds plenty of time to sit on the couch, watch a couple of hours (not exaggerating) of Foxnews, and eat junk food and yet she can’t find the time to take a 30 minute walk, use one of her many videos, or go to the FREE gym she has available to her with nice facilities including an area that will watch toddlers while she works out. So what should I do? I have to workout, as a military man it is a part of my job, and I enjoy it as well for all the health and physcological benefits. So really, what should I do?
My wife and I are oposites, She is the intelect & I am athletic. We use this all the time to get things done. Don’t try to change your spouse people. Use thier strengths. I help with movment, she helps with knowledge. I recomend a book that teaches you how to diet vs. an Eat like this diet. It is like teaching you to drive before seting you off down the road in a car. That makes sense!
Beck Diet for life.
My wife changed to a very sedenary desk job about 11 years ago, when she was a very sexy 122 lbs. Now she sits at a computer all day, watches TV 4 hours every night, and gets little or no exercise. The result has been a 40 pound weight gain which has ended our sex life and put a severe damper on any romantic feelings that I had for her. I have kept myself active and physically fit and feel betrayed by the fact that my wife has simply let herself get so fat and unhealthy (she has developed several weight-related problems). I’ve tried all sorts of methods to help get her motivated to lose the weight but nothing has worked for more thana few weeks. I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I need to do or say something soon or our marriage is in jeopardy. Any suggestions?
I played to my wife’s motivation. She enjoys evenings out and at times purchasing new clothes; so I challenge her by suggesting two months from the present date we commit to a date night.
Prior to the date we will each purchase a new outfit. For her the outfit is one size or so smaller than her current size. The fun challenge motivated her long enough to get into an exercise rhythm that lasted beyond the date.
I too stepped up my workout because I wanted to look as good as possible for her (and me).
John
I have always been active and have tried everything to get my husband to exercise. He promised me before we got married that he would continue working out (a deal breaker for me)and hasn’t kept his promise. I am not physically attracted to him and the only motivation I have to have sex with him is to keep him from getting mad. I am jealous of women I see at the gym who have spouses who work out with them. I’m tired of putting the time and effort into keeping myself fit when my husband won’t.
I’m better if I plan ahead on good healthy meals and don’t wait til I’m so ravenous and just grab what is around while figuring out what to eat for my meal. Also, when tempted by all the snacky stuff that’s around, just tell yourself that you’ll treat yourself with only your most favorite thing. That way you aren’t denying yourself but also not just stuffing stuff into your mouth cuz it’s there. Just make sure you have that favorite thing, but NOT in large amounts. For me it’s homemade ice cream that I have small portions of in my freezer.
my husband won’t go to the gym unless i go with him, but i hate going! i really prefer working out at home because it’s more convenient. i guess i have to figure out which is more important – doing things MY way or helping him.
For the past 26 years, I didn’t know what the word Physically Fit means. And when 2010 hit, I started going to the gym like crazy! Attending bodypump and spinning classes as well as Yoga! What fired me up?
1) Watch the biggest loser. A few episodes should do the trick. Watch it together and praise the biggest losers as almost heroic like.
2) A good insult. Yes, preferably from an enemy. Something like ‘OMG, What happened???!!!’ 20lbs later will be ‘Oh, which gym did you go?
3) Get a few used Men / Women’s health fitness magazine and place it everywhere. Beneath the remote controller, on the couch, fridge, bathroom mirror etc.
4) Get a medical check. heartbeat, blood pressure etc. Especially those that can calculate your body age. A lady who is 26 with the body age of 55 will sure fire her up.
5) For men, don’t ask them to do something. E.g Im going to the gym honey, you just sit there and watch tv. No need to sweet it out!
Good luck