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How to Lighten Up at the Gym


Updated March 02, 2012

Whether you're a veteran gym-goer or the type of exerciser who only goes to the gym when the weather's bad, you've probably experienced the tedium that gym workouts can foster. Maybe it's the sensation of riding or walking to nowhere on the bike or treadmill, or maybe it's the fact that you've used the same machines since you signed up three years ago. Either way, it may be time to inject a little fun into your workouts.


Walk around the the gym holding a mini recorder. Stand behind someone who is lifting weights and say softly into the recorder, "Subject appears to be lifting heavy, metal objects repeatedly. Reason: Unknown." Click off the recorder and hurry away in fear.


Draw a picture of a stick figure and tape it to the console of your treadmill. Periodically increase your speed and say loudly to the stick man, "Quit that! I don't wanna go faster!"


Join a spinning class. Halfway through, act like you're speeding uncontrollably down a hill. Crash into an imaginary tree and jump up, shouting, "I'm okay! Nothing to see here, just keep moving!"


In between sets, press your palms together and sing-song, "We must, we must, we must increase our bust."


Join an aerobics class. After the warm up walk to the front of the room and start teaching the Hokey Pokey.


Accidentally get tangled up in the cable machine. Scream hysterically, "It's ALIVE!"


Stand in the free weight section and repeatedly salute to yourself in the mirror. When people stare, say, "it's for building bigger biceps." Come back the next day to see how many people are saluting to themselves for bigger arms.


Approach an employee and ask them how much it would cost to add a dog to your membership.


Walk up to the supplement counter eating a cheeseburger and slap your hand down, saying sharply, "I need to gain a LOT of weight really fast. Got a pill for that?" When the person looks at you strangely, say, "What? It's for my wedding."


Wrap a towel around your head and go into the aerobics room in the middle of class. Walk over to the mirror and start tweezing your eyebrows. When everyone stops and stares, blink and say, "Isn't this the locker room?"

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