Vote in This Week's Poll: Do you make separate meals for your kids?
She stayed true to her word, eating only chicken, pizza and steak the entire time she was here while my husband and I tried everything we could to get her to eat something (anything) remotely nutritious. None of our tactics worked and my sister-in-law looked on with amusement, knowing we would fail miserably.
I've seen my clients struggle with the same issues - they eat healthy meals, but their kids don't and many parents end up making separate meals for their kids just to avoid the constant battles. "It's exhausting," one of my clients said recently. "It's like banging your head against a wall every night. I know I shouldn't give in, but I often do just to keep the peace."
I'm curious about how you handle the picky eaters in your family. Do you let your kids eat what they want? How to you get around the iron will of a kid who refuses to eat anything? Vote in this week's poll and tell us whether you make separate meals for your kids. If you have any tips or suggestions for getting kids to eat nutritious meals, leave a comment.
Resources for Parents with Picky Eaters
Comments
We pretty much all eat different meals. I eat according to my blood type and the rest of the family eats according to their tastes.
I make one meal - including something I know they like and things they don’t or haven’t tried. I expect them to eat a few bites of everything. I accept that there may be foods they truly dislike but it is never acceptable to be disrespectful about what one does or doesn’t like. If they simply choose not to eat anything they will calmly wait until the nest normal snack time to eat a healthy snack with the rest of us.
So far it’s worked really well and they often discover that they DO like foods they didn’t want to try. Kids aged 8,2,1
As far as kids and food, I rather think that a good goal would be to create a desire to try new things vs. having them clean their plate. There will be foods they don’t like - if they know it’s acceptable to not LIKE everything I think it’s easier for them to be willing to try things. It also seems to help my little ones understand when there are times when they need to eat it anyway. We discovered no-one in the family likes lychees but we had a lot of fun tasting them and discovering that.
Kids aren’t born picky eaters–parents allow their children to become picky eaters! My kids are fit and eat healthy because their parents are fit and eat healthy.
Sometimes I can compromise and make something that my son (13) and I both like and still be healthy and balanced. For example, he does not like cooked vegetables but is perfectly willing to eat salad.
Ditto Karen,
Worked for us and our kids are 30 and 36. Adventurous eaters, too.
We have a slightly different situation. My 14 year old loves to cook and often makes dinner. Then the question is do we want to eat what she made or make something else and hurt her feelings. Shes a very good cook and the food is nutritious, vegetarian, and delicious, but sometimes the meal timing is off. Plus I like meat and fish sometimes but she adamantly refuses to eat or prepare anything that she refers to as a “carcass”
Curt
Forgot to add- before she started cooking we had to make separate meals for her when we had meat or fish since she was a vegetarian. I don’t have a problem with this although for a time she didn’t like vegetables and ate mostly cheese, pasta, and bread.
I always thought my parents approach was pretty good. If you didn’t like what was served you could go hungry. You could go hungry the next day also since they would give us the uneaten dinner for breakfast. No healthy child ( as opposed to teenagers) ever starved to death when food was available. Of course when they get to about age 10 or 11, especially with girls, you get all the stuff that society imposes on them that can make them anorexic. Also if you keep a lot of junk in the house they will eat it when you aren’t watching, after not eating their dinner, and this was always our big downfall. “theres nothing else to eat” doesn’t work when the cookies are somewhere in the kitchen, even if they are out of sight.
Curt
Growing up as a child once myself I was the only picky eater in my small family. We were poor and my mother worked very hard to put good food on the table. In addition, she was very religious and one did not sit at her table without cleaning the plate! Consequently wither liked or not, veggies, meat, pasta whatever she put in front of you, was what was on the menu! Worst time I ever had was when we went to my older brother’s military reserve unit open house. Naturally, they served up portions the size of which two grown ups would have issues finishing, let alone a 12 year old skinny boy like myself.
Accordingly, my oldest brother took me aside and whispered in my ear, “Do not embarrass me today, eat everything that is put upon your plate!” I still do not know how I managed to finished it. The food was excellent although it took over an hour for me to complete my meal. The reasoning behind my story? I am still very lean, 57 years old,solid muscle, work hard, eat light. Still like to and able to sky dive. Became a 91B-20 combat medic in the Army and then joined the 101st AirBorne.My own children as they were growing up? Pickiest eaters you have ever seen!
You asked. Growing up we ate what mom was able to fix and put on the table. Respect, what she cooked we ate, regardless. Honor, very religious family, waste not want not.
Trust, mom never poisioned us, might have came close though once or twice. Fear, if dad thought we were making fun of moms cooking? No sissy lectures or books in our house. Therefore, in my entire life Dad only lashed out at me three times. The first time my nose got broken. The second time, when we took his car for a joy ride and got caught. Lost a couple of teeth. The third, deserved, smarted off too him in front of some of my teenage friends. 2nd broken nose. My children growing up? Four of the most pickiest eaters that ever walked on two legs.
I liked Curt’s daughters’ definition of meat, “Carcass.” Thus, I added this on as well. My dad was an expert hunter and whatever was killed on a hunt was first on the menu. My mother did not care for anything gammy tasting, especially venison or bear.
Dad would sneek out and buy ground up meat from the bucher shop and then mix a very small portion of the wild meat with hers.
We could tell she new what he had done because she would add lines to her grace before we ate.” Bless this food dear Lord and forgive my husband for killing your pets.”
My wife and I have a ‘menu’ for our family, identical to my parents’ menu for me and my siblings, which was (is) ‘Eat it, don’t eat it’. My daughter, for her eighth birthday dinner, asked for salmon and brussels sprouts. She got it. She gets it. Love
I have a grandson and a daughter both age 5. when my grandson stayed over for the weekend and rejected the food i had prepaired without trying it my daughter informed him what a mistake he was making…still refusing…I told him if he didn’t want to eat what I had made then he was welcomed to make his own meal. after a quik trip to the refreg. he noticed that the only things in there were fruit and veg. he looked everywhere…to his shock there wasn’t even a bag of chips to be found; just health snacks…after a few min. of thinking things though and feeling very hungry he decided to try what I had made…and yes he finished his plate asked for more and when his mom, my daughter, came to pick him up the a few days later all he could talk about was how great it felt to try new foods. Needless to say I reminded my daughter of how we would go to the market, twice a month, just to buy something new to try…like dragonfruit. (she remembered enjoying trying things with odd names) I also reminded her of what a wonderful life we have with so many choices in food from all around the world why would we not take advantage of it.
I have never know a quick meal to make great memories.
As I lean toward more spicy food and my boys, 2 and 7, haven’t got to the point of appreciating anything more than black pepper. I tend to make food that is less spicy for them. I always mix favorites with new items, but they always have to eat a little bit of everything.
Frank, did you notice that the incidents you reported are abusive? Hope the apple falls far, far from the tree.
We plan a weekly menu and everyone choses 1 meal which means they eat everyone elses. We also have a policy of ‘A New Food A Day’ at our house. About 4 times a week we try a new food, but I make sure to mix it up with things they will like. If it were always brussel sprouts & mushrooms, no one would participate. To keep in interesting, once every 2 weeks, the new food is a treat so they will always be eager to participate. One day, the new food that they HAD to try was maple sugar…. That week was also dragon fruit, seasoned pita chips and brie cheese. It is also a fun challenge the kids like to always come up with new things.
We take turns picking the meals. All meals have to be balanced, but not everyone has to eat all the items. On their turn, the kids have to plan the menu, pick the ingredients and help to prepare for everyone. The other kids set the table and help to clean up. Taking responsibility for everyone’s supper has expanded their acceptance of previously disliked foods, and improves knowledge of healthy eating habits, even if not all the items on their menus are healthy.
I make one meal…thats it! But My son does not like somethings and so does my daughter. I will make two veggies sometimes or I will make the pepper peices big enough so she can pick them out. It works out really well. And for being only 2 and 3 my kids pretty much go with the flow when it comes to eating. My son will keep something new on his plate till very last then try it…My daughter will dig right in and give it a few taste tests. If they don’t like it…they don’t! But I will make it and introduce it in many diff ways.
Wish me luck!!
My son used to eat everything, now he is 5 and getting way picky about what he will and won’t eat. I was making 2 meals for awhile because I felt that it was wrong to make him eat something he didn’t lik. Well…I caught him talking to his friend about how he gets to eat whatever he wants to eat and that “Mom, will do anything I say to make me happy”. Well, that ended the separate meals real fast! He now eats what I put on his plate or he doesn’t eat at all and goes hungry! After about a week of tearful “you want to starve me”’s and “why do you hate me so much”’s he finally settled down and started eating what I made for dinner! My advice is stick to your guns because they aren’t going to starve!
My youngest is a picky eater. I would make something for her separate from the “family” meal. She was a nightmare to travel with, but now she is 18 and working toward making better food, and overall health, choices. She now can’t believe all the food she has “missed” eating or even figure out why she refused to try so many things.
My kids eat whatever I fix for dinner. My Mom had a very simple solution. When the child get hungry enough they will eat the food in front of them. My nephew was a picky eater and the doctor said to give him kids vitiams to compensate. But if you do not teach them good eating habits early, how can you expect them to eat heathy later in life? It doesn’t kill a child to skip a meal until they are hungry enough to eat what is put before them. When did we become such wimpy parnets?
The way it goes in my house is you eat what I make. If it is something you don’t like then I will give you a smaller portion then everyone else and give you more of somthing else. But the rule is you have to eat a little of everything I make or go ot bed. I do this because your taste buds change as you get older and you might not like it today but you might tomorrow. I have learned this first hand,, until about three months ago my youngest (8yrs) hated spinach now she loves it and you couldn’t get my 14yr old to eat a mushroom w/o gagging and she has no problem eating them now. Alot of the time I think it is the way you make something as well. I learned if I put some bacon and lemon juice in the spinch everyone will eat it… You just have to experment with the foods your kids don’t like and have them keep trying it…On the other hand my 9yr old son is only picky about junk food (no complaints there).
I don’t make a different meal all the time but I do have one of the pickiest eaters and she is 11.
For example when the family is having spagetti with meat sauce she will eat only the plain noodles with a few raw veggies as a side. When I make stir fry she will eat the rice and plain broccoli. It’s exasperating and sometimes embarrasing when we are at other peoples houses and we do argue a lot about it but I have tried everything and there were 6 days straight where the child did not eat dinner at all.
I do make her try everything but she causes dramatics and gags and crys and the most recent ordeal she threw up at the table whele at a wedding after tasting a peice of broiled chicken.
I don’t think I have ever drug her outside so fast or screamed that loud at her in my life.
Doctors keep telling me she will grow out of it. I’m not buying it.
I make a meal for all of us but I prepare my childrens servings to seem appealing. So they eat healthy and it looks fun and “unhealthy” and they eat it.
One meal for all of us. I think it is important to have foods that children like, but more important to help them grow their pallettes by exposing them to many kinds of food. Also, it is important that they understand, since so many of us in this country don’t, that food is about more than taste, that it is about feeding your body and your health. Kids don’t ‘get’ that but as parents we have to. I feel sorry for that little girl–she is going to grow up with horrible eating patterns. As parents, our job is not to have our kids like us all the time. It is to keep them safe, loved, and healthy.
jh
bodaweightlosstips
My children and husban eat what i make them. Which is what they like. And i eat my own meal based on my diet.
I don’t have any kids of my own yet, but I will only make one meal. It always surprises me in Weight Watchers when people say they can’t eat what their kids eat. It makes me wonder if their kids will then be in WW in 20 years… No offence to my parents, but they weren’t great cooks. I think that contributes greatly to whether kids will be picky eaters or not. I didn’t like their food when I was little and I still don’t today! I am a very good cook now and am confident I will be able to get my kids to like a variety of tasty and healthy foods. Keeping my fingers crossed…
You didn’t offer my choice - No, they either ate what I fixed or they didn’t eat until the next regular meal time! This was my policy with my children when they at home, and it’s my policy now with my grandchildren when they visit. Guess what! They pitch a fit at their homes and get what they want to eat, and at my house they sit down and eat what I put before them!!!
i am a fitness trainer and my four children know that my world is fitness and healthy eating, soooooooooooooo what i make at any meal is what they are going to eat! they have salad every night with the meal as well as edamame, artichoke, eggplant, etc. they have adapted very well and do not eat junk or drink soda when they are at another friend’s house. so our healthy environment has really paid off!
I’ve followed the research that suggests that pressuring kids to eat can have negative effects. So, my goal is to cook good food and let my kids eat it or not. They aren’t allowed to criticize the food, but they aren’t required to eat it. I do try to make at least one thing per meal that they will like, and periodically we’ll have meals where everyone doctors their own meal (make-your-own pizzas, or pasta with choices of what veggies/cheese to mix in). And for variety I sometimes make separate things for everyone (e.g., leftovers for dad, tempeh & greens for mom, mac & cheese for one kid, beans & tortilla for the other). My 5yo is very picky and we reassure her that she will eventually get her “grown up taste” and like more foods. We encourage her to keep trying foods because you never know when your grown up tastes will appear. This works sometimes. My larger goal is to not make food be a big deal. Mealtimes are for connecting with family, and food is for staying healthy and not hungry–I don’t want to overemphasize the food.
Stacie, I liked your answer. I am a certified personal trainer, have nn M.A. in Psych and have been a vegetarian for 20+ years. My kids love fruits, veggies, tofu, etc. I never force them to eat or clean their plates, HOWEVER we do NOT have junk in the house. My big three rules for establishing healthy eating for kids:
1) Keep ONLY truly healthy foods in the house.
2) Offer them to the kids with NO alternatives.
3) Eat them yourself (model healthy eating behaviors…”do as I say, not as I do” backfires every time).
I’ve heard people say that their kids will only eat a McD’s. How do their kids develop that preference? Obviously, someone takes them there. My son is four and has never set foot in a McD’s. My daughter’s been in there to use the bathroom. Even at their ages, they understand that fast food establishments don’t offer the wisest food choices. At the same time, WE DO NOT OBSESS about food. Food is fuel. We never talk about food and exercise in the context of weight loss. We talk about staying healthy, and the roles that clean eating and exercise play. My daughter’s 6-year-old friends are already talking about needing to lose weight. At AGE SIX! The girl’s aren’t overweight, but their moms are, and that message is being transferred to their daughters. THIS IS DANGEROUS and may be a precursor to food obsessions and future eating disorders.
So the bottom line of my ramblings is that we need to be very aware of the subtle (and not-so-subtle) messages that we send to our kids. And if we want them to eat healthy, we must set up an atmosphere conducive to that, and not think that if we cut corners here or there their won’t notice. Yeah, it can be “inconvenient”, but then, children aren’t convenient. They’re human. Start them out on the right foot.
We have a rule in the house that the children need to at least try one bite of something before they decide they don’t like it. If they do not like it then they do not have to eat it, however I will not make a separate meal.
I’ve lost 192 pounds over the last 6 years, and while my kids eat the same basic foods as me (my friends are in awe at the fact that they eat almost any fruits or veggies or grains or exotic food), they are growing and need a not-so-strict meal plan. I make them pork and steak, which I rarely eat. Kielbasa and pasta dishes and dessert are also on their menu and not mine.
I used to make different meals until I realized how stupid that was (and how much time it took.) Now the kids eat what is on the plate or they can have a banana. I must say my kids are picky 9 and 5 years old, but I notice if the meal is delicious then the veggies really don’t matter. Children will not starve themselves and if it their choice is vegetarian stir-fry, a banana or nothing, then they will choose something healthy. It really is up to the parents to set the example and rules.
I make 1 meal, with all dishes healthful. Family members eat together, and not everyone eats everything. I put out salads, veggies, brown rice, cottage cheese, whole grain rolls, etc in addition to the casserole or main course. After dinner snacks are not changed to accommodate anyone who chose not to eat dinner. When I was a child my parents allowed us to have 1 ” I never have to eat it” food. Our lists were posted on the fridge to avoid arguments. We were allowed to change our “dislikes”. In this way we knew that we were expected to eat what was served for dinner, and to try at least 1 bite of everything. We also were taught not to speak disrespectfully of any food served, and to thank my mother for preparing dinner [as well as G-d for providing it] and that this thanks was to be given even if we personally hated the taste/texture/smell of the particular food or not!