While I've sworn off training couples in the same session (which is almost always a disaster), spousal issues almost always crop up with my married clients. One person (usually my client) is trying to lose weight while the other one isn't, which leads to stress, tears and impromptu counseling. I'm no marriage counselor, but I can listen, nod my head, make sure they keep exercising and occasionally say, "I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure that threatening divorce unless she starts exercising isn't a great idea."
Just some of the things that can happen in relationships include:
- Sabotage - I have one client who's husband regularly brings home sweets he knows she can't resist and then pretends it was an accident ("There's a supersized Snickers in the fridge? How did that get there?")
- Lack of Support - I once had a client who's husband gave me the stink eye every time I showed up for a session, thinking it was a waste of money. He even watched from the doorway, making snide comments about his wife's form. My response was to teach his wife a few kickboxing moves that would really get his attention and...okay, actually I just turned up the music until we couldn't hear him anymore, but I did kind of want to kick him.
- Excessive Force - In this case, it was the client who was the problem, trying to force his wife to exercise. He set up a personal training session for her as a 'gift' but, from the look on her face, I would imagine she gave him her own little gift after I left the awkward session - and I doubt it was all wrapped up with a bow.
What about you? If you're in a relationship, are both of you on the same page when it comes to eating and exercise? Is one of you on a completely different planet? How do you handle that? Vote in this week's poll and leave a comment telling us about your experiences.
He does zero. 0. no. nada. exercise. Cannot stand that we have equipment that takes up space. He doesn’t understand the big deal about food. In his mind, all food is made up of the same thing, molecules, so what does it matter what you eat. Don’t get me started on what he thinks about the importance of drinking water….
All I can say is I got a divorce 3 years back because my husband and I had completely different workout and eating habits. I was really interested in being fit and working out while my husband at the time was interested in drinking beer and sitting on the couch. I also was very interest in eating healthy while he was interested in finding the nearest drive-thru. It’s funny because for me fitness is a way of life and a year after my divorce I opened my own personal training gym and I couldn’t be happier. I think you should think long and hard about your fitness expectations before you get married. I am a perfect example of that.
I’ve been keeping fit for 55 years. When my wife and I got together 20 years ago, we would walk and jog and go to the gym together. But after she had our daughter thirteen years ago, she was stricken with fibromyalgia; and while some medications helped, but did not cure, they had unpleasant side-effects, so she stopped taking them and lived with constant and often excruciating pain; and became inactive. At the start of this year, in part because she got angry at the fibromyalgia, and maybe because it would be her 25th high-school graduation reunion, she started working out at the local YMCA. Today almost nine month later, she still hurts, but she works out four or five times a week, she weighs what she did when she was a high school junior, she is more cheerful than she has been in years, and is more beautiful than I have ever seen her. And I did nothing, except change a little what I would cook for dinner, tell her how nice she looks, and how nice it is that she is feeling better.
The biggest problem with my husband is the lack of understanding on what is healthy and what is fattening. I will make a huge salad or big plate of veggies and he is like OMG that is too many calories. But a sausage is OK to eat. He is getting better, but still not quite getting it. He will however, leave me alone and doesn’t sabotage me, doesn’t bother me about working out. He does walk in the summer but I can’t get him interested in working out. I have tried.
I think the trick to have different interests is to make sure you still have plenty that mesh. Also not pushing the spouse too hard, but finding the common ground on healthy eating. My hubby doesn’t eat anything fried and prefers homecooked meals, so that helps a lot.
My late husband was very fit until he was hit with Leukemia.
I have no desire for another relationship. I spend 20+ hours training in 4 sports and have no wish to defend my lifestyle or compromise my time.
Being single is awesome! I miss my sweetie enormously but that was a once in a lifetime partner. I love my freedom.
Cycle on….
Different eating/exercise habits? “Yes”, but the goal is the same: to remain fit and healthy as long as possible, and to support one another no matter what life throws our way. I think where couples get derailed is in that lack of a mutual goal. Sometimes our own selfish goals take us away from one another, and exercise sometimes falls into that category.
The decision to simply ‘move more’ was how I started back on the road to fitness, and admittedly when I started out, that seemed selfish. Not so much anymore. As my body has transformed into a healthier version, so has my mind and outlook. That has benefited our relationship on all levels.
Fibromyalgia had taken over for long enough, and it was time to fight back. Feeling better without drugs; to be present in my life, was the goal. Of course vanity does play in, and hearing ‘you look good’ is nice, but it won’t keep you as motivated as feeling good.
When I began I weighed 17 pounds more than I do now. I’ve lost inches, down from a size 12 pant to a size 6, and after years of taking cholesterol meds (which add to fibro aches) I’m off them all together. I’ve made minor changes to my diet (less sugar/caffeine and more water) and exercise 4-5 times a week; including strength training with weights and cardio. I won’t lie, with fibro it hurts much of the time, but what I’ve found is that moving towards a healthier existence is as much a mind game as it is physical effort. If you self-sabotage by letting your head rule your actions, or have a partner who is not supportive, it’s very difficult to make progress. Even more important though, if you don’t do it for YOU, no amount of compatibility on the diet and exercise front will make a difference.
I have a husband who is supportive, loving and fit. We don’t workout together at present, but I think we both leave things open to that possibility in the future. He doesn’t sabotage my efforts, and by leading by example, he keeps me on track too. I’m a lucky girl!
I am a personal trainer and workout fanatic! My family eats like I do- they don’t really have a choice! I do the shopping and the cooking. However, my husband does not workout for the most part. He will get motivated for maybe a month or so and go play basketball, but then it wears off. He will do active things with the family though- like we take long bike rides and hike, etc. But as crazy about it as I am, everyone automatically thinks I’m married to this big muscle dude- and are usually shocked when they see my husband! He is not overweight at all, just a typical thin guy. It does cause issues though as the other girls commented- its not an interest of his- but its my life!!!!
Both my spouse and I workout regularly but at different times. He goes during the middle of the day and I go early in the morning. I like to start my day this way and just hate going mid-afternoon(the energy is just not there for me). But he seldom whines about me getting up at 4:30am and I am usually at work when he goes to the gym. However, our eating habits are very different. Sometimes for both my spouse and myself, “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”. But I have recently made a personal decision to be much more careful about how much I put in my mouth. I was already pretty careful about what went in. He is on board with the what that goes in, but he eats way more than he needs. His weight has not really changed much in the past few years but his bmi is high and I worry. He has been supportive of my efforts and says he admires my determination. So maybe, he will choose for himself to lighten up. We have been together a long time and have a good history of supporting and encouraging each other.
I can’t believe that guy who made snide remarks when his wife was making an effort to improve her life. What a jerk!
I am a personal trainer and my wife and I own a fitness franchise and I can’t imagine being married to someone who wasn’t into fitness.
my husband is obese I am overweight but I am conscience of the fact and aware of what it takes to lose it. I’ll exercise and improve my diet long enough to lose 15 lbs after which I feel so fit that I eat more gradually I will love him fat or thin I married him for him not his seize
we try to eat healthy but she gets me off the track with that 1/4 slab chocolate cake and icing or we have a bowl of cut up cantelope in the fridge but it is gone in one day when she invites friends over and they pig out on something i want to snack on. she doesn’t understand why i need to go for a group bicycle ride for 160 km ( at 28 to 34 kmph ) and be gone for 6 hours; shouldn’t 160 km be done in a hour or two ?
My wife has always struggled with her wait while I complained that eating healthy was annoying and tasteless. I remained fit because I worked construction and often played team sports and ran 5k’s.
When I was 40 I changed careers and became a school teacher. About that time I gained 30 lbs. in just a couple of years. Today I’m 53 and my wife and I encourage each other by doing weight training every other morning. On the other mornings I go for a run of at least 6 miles while she chooses to do a cardio-workout in the house. We encourage each other without being controlling or nagging.
My wife joined weight watchers and now we eat much more sensibly, together. She loves to bake but now she has to send the treats to school for the other teachers to enjoy or else I throw them out. In the last three years she has lost over 60 lbs and and I am nearly back to my weight when I was 40.